He is the cow

Note: A year ago, Juan L. Mercado wrote this in his Sun.Star Cebu column. I really enjoy the article. -JGG

Mercado: ‘He is the cow’
By Juan L. Mercado

(That’s the title of a true essay submitted during a civil service examination in India. “By the time you finish reading, you’ll have forgotten all the English you ever learned,” says the friend who sent it over. Enjoy –- Juan L. Mercado)

The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.

“But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don’t have any such attachment.)

“What can it do? Various butter, cream, curd, ghee, the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

“His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat (manure—JLM) cakes, like pizza in hand and drying in the sun.

“Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

“His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

“He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side.
This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

“The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.”

(Footnote: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now in the government’s civil service, somewhere in Bihar.)

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3 thoughts on “He is the cow

  1. Pingback: Forget your ‘English’ « Third Wave

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